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Enthusiastic and Proactive Consent within M/s

The following excerpt from The Way of the Pleasure Slave talks about one way to acknowledge and affirm consent within our sexual relationships. This passage refers specifically to partner sex within an existing, negotiated, consensual M/s relationship, but the principle of enthusiastic, proactive consent is an ethical baseline for all sexual interactions. A good rule of…

Do the Work

It doesn’t matter how many books you read, conference workshops you attend, or MAsT meetings you frequent: If you don’t do the work, your relationships will suffer. What work is that? The work on yourself. Specifically, the hard work of unpacking your psychological and emotional baggage. Virtually all of us enter adulthood with unhealthy coping…

“Just Tell Me What to Do!”

M-types, does this sound familiar? You’ve just spent an hour in deep discussion with your s-type processing a situation did not go as you would have liked. You’ve clarified your intentions for similar scenarios and spelled out the logic behind how you’d like things to be handled in the future. You finally feel like you’ve…

Three Meanings of D/s

What do we mean when we talk about “D/s”? D/s stands for Dominance and submission, or Dominant/submissive. These terms are used in various ways inside and outside the kink community. Here are three ways you may hear people use the terms dominant and submissive. The terms dominant and submissive can refer to personality types and…

Glossary of Terms

Every specialized topic has its jargon, and authority-based relationships are no exception. This glossary gives my working definitions of key terms relating to alternative relationships, kink, and BDSM. Some of these definitions are hotly debated in their respective communities, and not everyone will agree with where I come down on them, so don’t be surprised…