The following excerpt from The Way of the Pleasure Slave talks about one way to acknowledge and affirm consent within our sexual relationships. This passage refers specifically to partner sex within an existing, negotiated, consensual M/s relationship, but the principle of enthusiastic, proactive consent is an ethical baseline for all sexual interactions. A good rule of thumb is “If it’s not a ‘hell, yes!’ then it’s a ‘hell, no!'”
For female pleasure slaves, the “passive” role is the one they’ve likely been socialized to their whole lives. It’s what our culture teaches women to do: lie back and open their legs. Even for submissive women who have made peace with their desires and who enjoy sex tremendously, just “taking it” can still sometimes evoke ambivalence and fear. Likewise, M-types, especially males, may worry that by “using” their slave to satisfy their own drives, they are feeding into our society’s profound misogyny or exhibiting some kind of toxic masculinity. We all have our moments of doubt.
One effective training practice to counter these fears is enthusiastic and proactive consent. By this I mean performing actions and saying words that express, clearly and unambiguously, that you want to be here right now, doing what you’re doing, with this exact person. From the slave’s side, this might include:
- Nonverbal sounds that signal your arousal (sighs, groans, etc.)
- Eye contact
- Gestures of consent (e.g., opening your arms to receive the M-type’s embrace)
- Enthusiastic kissing
- Using the M-type’s preferred title (“Take me, Daddy!”)
- Begging to be penetrated (“Please fuck me!”)
- Verbal affirmations of your arousal (“I’m so hot, so turned on…”)
- Showing your M-type how wet you are (“Here, feel…”)
- Simply saying “yes”
For M-types, it might mean asking for and receiving affirmation of the slave’s desire and continued consent. I’m not talking about the kind of consent you asked for during negotiation, nor the kind you’d want if this were an egalitarian dating situation. You’ve already received that consent; she is your slave after all. But if you feel a twinge of worry or fear, asking “Do you want this, girl? Do you?” and getting an enthusiastic yes! may be just what you need to put your mind and heart at perfect ease.